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When the end came I wanted to enter heaven. But more often than not my desire for Raquel overrode my desire for eternal life. Of course this was during our sexual encounters. After sex, even before my orgasm was finished, the severity of what I’d done would set in. I was trading a few seconds of ecstasy for an eternity of damnation. I was angry with myself, and that anger spilled out onto Raquel. We were both fighting this urge to have sex, and I blamed her for giving in just as much as I blamed myself. When I left her I wanted to believe that she was just a bitch and that I just couldn’t stand her anymore, but that wasn’t the case. The truth was my sexuality wasn’t as simple as I wanted to believe it was. The stories I had written were a testament to my issues. A part of me wanted to be a regular guy. I wanted to be like my father who I imagined kept himself in the missionary position when I heard him ramming my mother upstairs in their bed at night. But I couldn’t keep my. After that night, Bobby and Kelly started to date on a steady basis. I was really pissed off because my best friend gave me the shaft. I know, I hadn't said anything to Kelly, but Bobby knew how I felt. It's a "man law"; you don't go after a girl that your best friend is interested in. I didn't know which hurt the most, losing Kelly or Bobby making a run at her.My first reaction was to tear Bobby a new one. He knew how I felt about Kelly, but he made a run at her anyway. I decided to keep things to myself and be patient. (Damn word again) Things would mellow out. One of the effects of Bobby's betrayal was I lost my trust in him. If he could stab me in the back this way, what else would he do?Bobby and Kelly had been dating for three months when they announced their engagement and Bobby asked me to be his best man. I tried to think of a way to say no, without letting Bobby know that I thought he was an ass. Then Kelly came to me and almost begged me to do it. She said she knew that I.
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